Marybeth: Teens protest for their right to dance dirty
It’s more than just election season. It’s not just autumn. It’s not only the countdown to Halloween (and by Halloween, I mean Christmas).
But if you don’t have a high schooler in your home, you may not realize that it’s also a very special time of year in the academic and social calendar: Homecoming season, the magical time when leaves turn golden, football is in the air, and teen girls inexplicably believe that a new top from Abercrombie will morph them into Tyra from Friday Night Lights.
Homecoming is making headlines all over America, but unfortunately, the news is disconcerting. To wit:
On Saturday, administrators at Middleton High School in Middletown, RI, pulled the plug on the homecoming dance, sending students home at 9:25 pm rather than 11:00, because they staged a protest over the school’s enforcement of its “no grinding” dance policy.
Yep, you read that right. Students protested that school officials would not let them engage in simulated sexual acts on the dance floor. The policy, “Face to face with a little space,” had been well-publicized in the days leading up to the dance and had even been communicated to parents via a mass text.
Unfortunately, rather than comply with the policy and have fun within the behavioral standards set forth in advance, the students staged a profanity-laced sit-in, culminating in a police-supervised exit from the school gym.
Parents applauded the school’s enforcement of appropriate moral standards and the exercise of strong administrative authority.
JUST KIDDING!
Parents were upset! Many told media outlets that the kids were unsafely let out onto the streets of Middletown, and the school “didn’t even provide transportation home.”
In the aftermath of the homecoming controversy, Middletown’s superintendent of schools released this statement:
The Middletown High School Homecoming dance was shortened because of unsafe behavior by students who did not agree with the no-grinding rule as outlined in the Middletown High School handbook.
The decision was made out of an abundance of caution and after several warnings were given to the students. A connected message was sent out informing parents that the dance was canceled.
The students driving were not permitted to leave the premises until the communication to parents was released. There was a police cruiser and police outside helping with students who were exiting the building and in the parking lot.
Students who needed rides called parents and waited inside the gym lobby or inside the gym. The administration and chaperones remained inside the building with students who were waiting for rides.
If students behaved in an unsafe way outside, the police were there to handle the situation. There was no near riot as reported. Student safety was at the forefront when the dance was terminated early. The students were addressed and were asked to cooperate with the no grinding rule.
Any student who purchased a ticket was aware of the no grinding rule for the dance. It was restated during lunches throughout the week, along with an explanation of how the breathalyzer was going to be administered.
There was also a Connect Ed message that was sent to parents the day of the dance regarding the no grinding rule and the dress code.
There’s no wondering where in the world kids learn “grinding” as a dance move – just surf through MTV, BET, VH1 or YouTube to see the soft-core pornography that passes for choreography today. It’s enough to make Elvis’ pelvis look like a Richard Simmons “Sweatin to the Oldies” routine.
And while it’s true that teens of every generation will push the envelope of propriety to assert their independence, I believe we’re seeing something different here. What we’re seeing, sadly, is a generation that believes there are no rules, or if there are, that the rules don’t apply to them.
For years, I’ve been writing and speaking about the potential impact of our amoral culture on the minds, hearts, souls, and consciences of our children.
We know that exposure to American media – defined by the American Academy of Pediatrics as the most sexualized media in the Western hemisphere – molds the attitudes and behaviors of young people with regard to sex and sexuality. When it comes to information about sex, media is now defined as a “super peer” – a bigger influence than friends, teachers, church leaders, and often, bigger even than parents.
We also know that teens demonstrate diminishing respect for authority figures, a reflection of the breakdown in parental authority in the home.
This episode in Middletown is both shocking and disturbing because it weaves these realities together in one astounding story. First, the teens are fighting for their “right” to engage in sexually explicit actions at a high school dance on public school property. And they flagrantly disobeyed school administrators, choosing to take a stand for lewd dancing rather than simply dance in a wholesome and appropriate fashion and have some homecoming fun.
Kudos to the administrators for following through on their promise to put the hammer down on inappropriate and dangerous behavior. And shame on the parents who don’t stand shoulder to shoulder with them.
A teachable moment…
If you have middle or high school students at home, this story offers a great opportunity to talk about how to socialize appropriately and respectfully at school dances. Check out a story from last fall that offers some great points for discussion.
This is not what happened at all, so before you advance your judgement, make sure you have information from multiple primary sources. the superintendent of schools made multiple false statements on the phone call to all homes as well. Seeing is how she wasn’t there is reason for incorrect statement. Perhaps further research is needed, other than basically copying and pasting from a central administration made news article, to make sure you have legitimate details on occurring events. slandering a group of students and their concerned parents, based off of statements found from local press which were quoted from someone who wasn’t even there makes for an absolutely ridiculous story. Maybe a better teachable moment would be one to improve your diction or for you to learn the basics of journalism, which is to look at all aspects, gather all the information, and report. I highly encourage you to read up on the current events you are reporting about, especially when you represent something as respectable as the Washington Times.
Feel free to contact me if you need clarification on what really happened.
Why don’t you talk to students who were actually there at the dance, instead of being so naive? People will believe anything now-a-days, even a so-called editor. Now the full story first…
What’s missing in this article is an overview of the events that led up to the homecoming debacle. This was a release of the pent up frustrations of all of the students. To create a story, the media is outlining the event as merely a question of grinding and disregard to the rules. In the last couple of years, there have been many new restrictions made to MHS as a result of new administration. The students feel beaten down and disrespected; no compromise or student input is being considered. Although the reaction of the students at the dance was inappropriate and disrespectful in turn, the protest was not just made against grinding vs. not grinding; it was an outcry from students against the overly restraining (although well-intentioned) new policies. If administrators truly want to deal with the issues that became apparent at the Homecoming dance, they must take into consideration the feelings of the student body.
What you missed Ms. Hicks
Events leading up to home coming:
The petition: A petition was drafted by Jonny Hebal of Middletown High School to oppose the new ban on grinding. 200 Students signed the petition within three hours. The petition states:
For the Reconsideration of the Homecoming Grinding Ban
This paper is not an act against the regulations of school rule, but is merely a recommendation for the school board to reconsider the ban on grinding, which the student body believes to be unfair.
In all Middletown Highschool dances, the dancing style of grinding was blindly banned without consideration the significance of this action. Grinding is considered by the Administration of MHS to be inappropriate; therefore, grinding will no longer be allowed to be expressed in any of the dances, including the Homecoming dance. However, Grinding doesn’t have to be dirty. The Administration was narrow-minded in the fact that they did not acknowledge grinding to be a safe, standard, and acceptable way to dance.
The dance of grinding defined:
(Chiefly US) Movement in a pattern; usually to musical accompaniment; to do, or perform, a dance.
Effects of the Ban:
• Students are encouraged to express themselves in healthy manors. Grinding does not impede on one’s health and does promote self expression through dance.
• Which other dance does the Administration expect the students to do? Grinding is a simple and fun way to dance; meanwhile, many students don’t know how to dance skillfully with a partner in any other dance form.
• Many students will blow off dances because they will become less fun. Funds raised from dances would decrease significantly.
• Students will disregard other school policies, because faith would be lost in the Administrations ability to make policies, in favor of the students’ interests and their well beings, by the student body. This ban will put a gap between the student body and administration.
In signing the petition, the signers state that they have a firm stand against the ban on grinding in any school dances. He/she states, by collectively joining with their classmates and peers, that they are in opposition to the grinding ban and request its immediate disavow
Hopefully the School Board recognizes that the student body, as a whole, is serious about revoking the ban on grinding. Consideration of this petition is requested.
Thank you, sincerely from the student body of MHS.
Jonny and I presented this too Principle Gale Abromitis the Friday before the dance. She laughed at the last bullet saying she has a strong relationship with the students. Along with the petition, I wrote a speech justifying our cause.
Anthony Martin
How The Women of the 1920’s Will Help Pass Our Petition
“Express yourself” a term that students have been hearing and encouraged to do since kindergarden. I remember the laminated poster with the thumb tacks on each corner in Mrs. Miller’s room. On the poster there was a collage of many different shapes and colors that I once inspired my daydreams. Throughout my years of school the same theme has come up in one form or the other, and my peers have accepted this challenge in many ways. Some play guitar, some skateboard, others sing, many play sports, but there is one thing that we all do; though not often, the students of Middletown High School meet at the sweaty gym and dance. We dance in a way that many adults do not approve of, grinding, a vulgar word I must say.
I’m not going to explain grinding, we all know what it looks like, and many people think it is inappropriate. Inappropriate for school, for our adolescent age, and for our dignity. I’ve had many teachers express their negative attitude on grinding and I accept their roast on my generations style of dance. I say let them roast us, and bash on our self expression because we will be the flappers of our time. In the “Roaring 20’s” the young women had the same dilemma we do today. Women who went to clubs to dance and show off their ankles were known as flappers. These women were frowned upon by the older members of society. They embarrassed our nation because they wanted to express themselves and go footloose. My peers and I, we must embarrass the faculty of Middletown High School. Luckily for them, they have complete authority over the students to ban grinding. But what if the U.S. government banned dancing in the 20’s?
If the government made laws about dancing first they would be communist and second they would be constricting the self expression of the next generation. Dance in the 20’s can be related to the women’s role in today’s culture and society. Dancing gave women the sensation of power and creativity. They got to hang loose for once and express themselves in ways that improved their well being and could have possibly led to innovation. The women felt powerful so they harnessed these vibes and demanded for fair job opportunities. Within their life times, these women were in executive and managerial positions. Something that the older generation that once frowned upon the Flappers, now baffled them. Dance gave them the inspiration to be a go-getter, to carpe-the-diem, and to express themselves. If you take away our self expression now than our generation may not lead to new innovate ideas that will benefit and shape our society.
Take away our right to grind at our homecoming and you get a petition signed by over 200 students. What can we say we learn from our teachers. In 2002 the teachers went on strike and rose up together to get what they wanted. We got to see you take the risk and stand up for what you believe in and now we will take our risk. We aren’t ignorant enough to get every MHS student to chant “let us grind” at lunch or the pep rally but, we come to you in a civil approach to get the restriction lifted.
We are expressing ourselves by protesting the “no grinding rule.” The student body has come together to apply what we have been taught: by writing a petition (You & the Law), writing a position paper (English), Presenting a topic (Capstone). We understand the power of the people and we intend to use this power to persuade you to let us grind at the 2012 homecoming dance.
Now to continue telling the truth and not being biased like every other news network has when presenting this issue. Ms. Abromitis said that Jonny and I could meet in front of our super intendant and a faculty board to see if we could get the ban lifted for the next dance. That privilege was taken away after the student body was in a near riot that was not controlled by faculty in a safe and orderly manner.
Jonny as well as many other students who blast “their innocence” on facebook need to grow up and take some responsibility for once. Although this article does repeat everything already said in other articles, it does reveal two things.
1) Students need to grow up a little
2)Parents need to grow up a little
Parents should not be siding with their children in this matter because the students are at fault.
Jonny honestly every MHS dance has grinding and dont try to play innocent because everybody knows this. This is exactly what happened, it may be a little dramaticized but its the truth so take some responsibility. Maybe you guys at MHS have selective memory and forget what happens at every MHS dance but i will remind you that grinding does happen.
I think my main point is that you guys need to stop playing innocent in this matter.
This is unbelieveably inaccurate. Get your facts straight.
And so biased. Why doesn’t the older generation take a step in a teenager’s shoes? “teens demonstrate diminishing respect for authority figures” That is crazy– is that what people think grinding is about? In high schools, its not about being rebellious to our authority figures– what if we know no other way to dance? Grinding is suggestive, sexually explicit, and innapropriate; I don’t enjoy it myself, but with modifications and limits on the dance it provides an excellent alternative for students who don’t know who to dance. There is no alternative. Do you really expect salsa or tango dancing in the middle of a public high school gym?
As my good friend Jonathan did in the earlier comments, I would just like to reflect on your article. First of all, it looks like you just ran a google search, and changed a few words up. Possibly you wrote this article last minute, cause the night before you were crying about your life watching the Notebook and eating cookie dough? Second, if you live fat far away from where this occured maybe you could have made a few phone calls and got your facts straight. Honestly, where are your sources from Marybeth? And Softcore Porn? Grinding is a type of dance. Maybe in your times the pilgrims would’ve been offended. Third, I’m pretty positive they don’t show grinding on MTV or VH1 where shows like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom show the trashiest of the trashy. And BET?? Now that’s just plan racist. Looks like you striked out on this article, maybe next time Marybeth, maybe next time.
Editor’s note: The editor has never seen The Notebook.
Wow! These comments are very … odd. If I read them all through (twice, as I have) it seems that Marybeth was exactly right. The students demanded the right to grind and the administration stood its ground. What exactly about this story is incorrect, Jonathan? And, since you bring it up, what were the false statements made to parents made by the superintendent?
Furthermore, as this is a blog post, as opposed to a news story, it is entirely appropriate and commonplace to simply summarize a news story written elsewhere and then comment on it, as Marybeth has done. Furthermore, as a nationally known author, columnist, and speaker on parenting and education issues, Marybeth is THE preeminent expert on just this kind of thing. You should be lucky your plight is getting publicity from soneone as well known and well respected as Marybeth.
Finally, I can assure you that many parents of all ages, colors, and beliefs think that grinding is totally inappropriate for a SCHOOL dance. (As an aside, it’s somewhat comical to suggest that not being able to grind discriminates against students who ‘don’t know how to dance.’ As a veteran of hundreds of dances, both as a teen and teacher, I can assure you that there are a gazillion variations of movement to music that is NOT grinding.) Some parents are more permissive than others. Perhaps those parents can and should have hosted an afterparty at their home where grinding could take place. However, on school grounds, rules will inevitably be stricter than what 14-17 year olds (and some parents) will think fair. They can arrange for their own fun on their own property. But, since all town parents pay the taxes to fund schools, and not all parents think that simulated sex, even with clothes on, is a fun, wholesome way to interact with peers, then the school needs to err on the side of caution.
She isn’t right… she wasn’t even there. What she said has been put down already by every other news, media network out there, whom also know how to pick and choose what information they want to put out to the public. If you want to know what really happened, feel free to contact me — that’s if you so-called “journalists” can handle the truth for once.
The dance is on town property, and sponsored by the MHS Administration. They make the rules. They decided that this year everyone who went into the dance would have their BAC tested by breathalyzer – and you had to comply, or you wouldn’t be allowed into the dance. They decided that you will finish classes at 1340 every day. They decided that you can’t text in class or cheat on exams (two things that a grossly large number of students engage in, by the way, but I digress.) These rules are rules that you must abide by if you plan to attend MHS as a student in good standing. If you don’t follow the rules, then you can suffer the consequences. You chose to blatantly ignore two rules at that dance, you (a collective “you” as a student body) were grinding, and you were creating unsafe conditions in a mosh pit style of dancing. Having taken part in mosh pit style dancing myself, I know what the results are, and I know what the results can be if someone who is crowd surfing gets dropped. It’s downright irresponsible, and it is a flagrant violation of the rules to take part in either of those acts. You’re right, this IS a matter of inequality – YOU are unequal with the administration. And rightfully so. High school isn’t anarchy – someone has to be in charge, and that someone is the administration. If the administration says you can’t grind, then you can’t grind. That’s the breaks. If you don’t like it then you can try to change it – but until that happens, you don’t just violate the rule. If you don’t like a rule, you can’t just ignore it.
Anthony Martin, I’m going to try to work through your absolutely atrocious control of grammar and address a few points you admirably attempted to make. First and foremost, you make a few gross generalizations that make your paper seem more credible to any reader willing to just accept what you say as fact. So let’s examine some of these so stated “facts.”
“Some play guitar, some skateboard, others sing, many play sports, but there is one thing that we all do; though not often, the students Middletown High School meet at the sweaty gym and dance.”
Hyperbole hardly has a place in an essay where you’re claiming to state facts. I hardly believe that all seven-hundred and change MHS students attend your homecoming dance. So lets make that clarification, because this isn’t affecting every single student at MHS.
“I’m not going to explain grinding, we all know what it looks like, and many people think it is inapropriate.”
Why don’t you go ahead and define grinding, actually? While we’re here, lets discuss the definition of grinding – because I believe the one you provided above your essay, while perhaps formally correct, is not specific enough to be valid. You’re generalizing and that also has no place when you’re claiming to state facts. Grinding is a sexual act. It may not be on par with other sexual acts – but if you want to do it, be honest about what it is. Why won’t you describe it for us? Are you embarrassed to call it what it is on paper? If that is the case then perhaps you should be embarrassed to be fighting for it in the first place.
“If the government made laws about dancing first they would be communist and second they would be constricting the self expression of the next generation.”
Who was your history teacher at MHS? I sincerely hope whoever it was does not see you seriously trying to say that banning dancing is equivalent to communism. Did you even stop to consider how communism relates to banning dancing? Communism is, in it’s simplest, most specific form, the movement to abolish the ownership of private property – and ultimately establish a communal ownership of that property. I have no idea how that even relates to this issue, it isn’t even remotely germane. In your second point, you are correct, they are constricting one singular mode of self expression for you and your peers. But if you can’t find any other way to express yourself until you’re out of high school and can grind with whoever you want in a club, then perhaps you are the one with the self expression issue.
Your comparison of MHS students with flappers is admirable; however I don’t think it really stands upon closer scrutiny. Women of the 1920s were just beginning to rise up from being de facto second class citizens. Before 8 August 1920 when the nineteenth amendment was ratified, they were de jure second class citizens. They couldn’t vote, they could hardly get jobs (the ones they did get paid significantly less than men’s jobs), and it was a social norm for them to be subordinate to their husband. You however, will be able to vote when you turn eighteen, and you could get a job if you wanted (and would at worst, be paid $7.40 per hour). Women were raised to accept the ideals of serving others, especially their husbands – but according to you, you have been encouraged throughout your youth to express yourself and be an individual; yet you seem to think you can compare yourself to the women of the 1920s. I for one think that undermines the struggles of the women of that era – and could even perhaps be a disrespectful comparison. Which brings me to my next point…the “protest” that was staged at the dance was outright disrespectful and was not even remotely a non-violent, mature way to resolve the issue.
“If you take away our self expression now than our generation may not lead to new innovate ideas that will benefit and shape our society.”
Again, I’m going to try to work through your disgraceful control of grammar. I believe what you’re alluding to here is that if you’re not allowed to grind, you’re not going to be productive members of society. I think you’re missing the meaning of those posters from kindergarten. While of course it is open to interpretation – I think the more reasonable interpretation is that you should pursue a passion and express yourself through finding that passion. I hardly believe that grinding was something the kindergarten teachers had in mind when they told you to be an individual.
“Take away our right to grind at our homecoming and you get a petition signed by over 200 students.”
This is true. However you are in a school of seven hundred students. That isn’t even close to half of them. So technically speaking the group of students who have expressed their desire to have the rule lifted are the minority, and the ones who are indifferent or against it, the majority. Sure you may have come forward civilly before homecoming, but you blew it when you borderline violently protested it at homecoming. You even said it yourself the student body was “near riot.”
You were at the dance, I wasn’t. You’re claiming it was “a near riot…” How would you propose that the faculty and administration control your riot without using force, and without undermining their rule? If they had used force, you would have undoubtedly cried abuse of power, or assault or something to that effect. But if they had undermined their own rule, you wouldn’t respect the rules (not that you do to begin with). So I don’t think you have any place in criticizing their manner of dispatching your poor excuse for a protest.
“we learn from our teachers. In 2002 the teachers went on strike and rose up together to get what they wanted.”
Again, just like your flapper argument, not even remotely a fair comparison. The teachers wanted fair wages so that they could make a living. You want to perform a pseudo-sexual act on a dance floor three, maybe four times a year. Your situation pales in comparison, and the teachers should be offended that you seem to think their wages are as trivial as your dancing methods.
So, Anthony, while you are very entitled to your opinion – you shouldn’t try to state an opinion so poorly supported as yours is as a fact. You and the student body tried to be mature and civil about the issue, and then you chose to ruin it all. It’s actually very unfortunate, because the modified grinding rule probably was your best argument for getting grinding back, and you squandered it. I personally don’t believe that grinding is bad – however, the way you went about getting it back was. Thinking that you’re suffering some great injustice is sophomoric of you – grow up.
maybe you should contact someone from the school before you starting writing a bunch of lies. you deserve to be fired for posting lies, even though you have freedom of the press, this is a bunch of BS. If you believe this article, shame on you
Only those who actually go to Middletown High School are aware of what happened that night. Most of what the media is reporting is complete falsity and I find it atrocious that you wrote such an impassioned article about something of which you know almost nothing about except for media reports. The protest wasn’t started due to the “no grinding policy” nor the “breathalyzing” rule. In fact, it was started due to a pent up frustration of our school’s administration continuously shutting down many of the activities that we have planned and worked hard on, without resolving something we can do instead. This is the reason why the students felt the need to protest. The grinding and breathalyzing are not. Therefore, please confirm your facts DIRECTLY FROM A FIRST HAND SOURCE before you make illicit statements like the ones you have made, and any one else who is not currently enrolled at MHS. We are not animals and do not condone “sexually explicit” behavior. In fact, many of my colleagues are extremely dignified and smart people. Although I agree that the argument wasn’t handled in the most mature way possible, our point that we have no voice in the school system stands true.